Friends with Benefits (FWB) is a common label given to friends who also sleep together, or two people sleeping together that don’t want to commit. Sounds great right? well as movies like Friends with benefits (Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake) and No Strings attached (Ashton Kutcher and Natalie Portman) can tell you its just not that simple (both movies are on Netflix).
You have to balance that fine line between friends and couple, you sleep together and you hang out and have fun together. My girl friend and I were having a conversation about this recently and we decided that there are two main reasons shit goes sour (this is from a girls perspective and for girls sorry guys).
- Girls over think and Over analyse everything even the small shit, and really it doesn’t get us anywhere
- We have different Ideas and expectations from things E.G. cuddling is fine after sex I don’t see a problem with it but cuddling holding hands and falling asleep on each other chests or in each others arms for me is crossing that little friendship line, where as for a guy there just being nice and hopefully trying not to root and boot you.
Now of coarse this isn’t all girls or guys, however the majority of girls I have spoken to feel that they fall faster than the guys and get attached quicker. We analysed (over thought) the reasons we get attached to the guys around us
They kiss or cuddle you, you have a level of comfort
They say shit that we think is cute and sweet
Now this one is difficult, they whisper cute, dirty or romantic shit while your sleeping together, now i know this shit can be beneficial during sex but it is also fucking confusing.
In saying all this we developed a list of our tips that we are going to try out and see how we go;
- Don’t put all of your spare “guy ” time into your FWB, keep your eyes open for opportunity and mr right ( I guarantee your FWB is doing the same)
- Have clear boundaries on what you guys are, and don’t be scared to enforce them on yourself or him
- Don’t turn down a nice guy for your FWB, because at the end of the day the guy you turned down could be the right one and you wasted it on some cringe Fuckboy.
- Stick with your girls, they will be able to tell you when shit is getting real if they know you well enough and they can bitch slap or just pull you out of that sinking hole of feelings. Lock that shit down is my best friends phrase for when she knows things aren’t going well for me in that department.
We are going to give this list a go, if you have any FWB stories please share them in the comments or email me at email@example.com with the subject FWB. If you have any tips please also leave those, so me and my girls can give them a go!!
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In the mean time Keep creating yourselves
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So I have come to the realisation recently that a massive issue for me is the double standards in sexism. I am one of those people that aren’t for feminism or against it and I am also not for the male equivalent I am for humans and Humanism. I prefer this stance not only because feminism is a tarnished brush and ridiculed due to social perception and negative connotations but also because I don’t believe you can fight for equality with something that is gender specific.
Feminism had its place in bringing about the beginning of equality to establish women in the world as individual and capable beings in areas they were thought not to enter. In this day and age however instead of people closing the gap between sexism it can be looked at as taking a swing in the opposite direction and the “uplifting” oppression of men (do not get me wrong I am not saying this is entirely feminist fault).
Gender equality is an issue that is hard to fight or have a stance on because no matter what you do you’re wrong, or being misogynistic or misandrist it is an issue that needs to be addressed in equal terms treating each as individuals void of gender.
From a young age we develop these ideas about how men and women behave, what qualities make us different and what toys we should be playing with all of which attribute to our opinions and acceptance of activities of men and women when we are adults.
Have a think if there has been a time when you’ve seen someone doing something and thought they shouldn’t because it’s not what you perceive as appropriate for that gender? Don’t worry it doesn’t make you sexist its just the natural response based on our social learning.
We see these standards on television in advertising all over social media and even in our homes. So what can we do about it? Well in my opinion the HeforShe campaign was a great idea and also not having two separate teams, become one change the face of feminism and NOMAS (national organisation for men against sexism) and just have humanism the equal rights for all human beings? I think that could make a huge difference, creating a united front and inspiring people to unite with you instead of separating themselves from causes we should all be involved in. A great idea if anyone should think to really fire it up is a campaign enlightening the idea of humans all for one and one for all so we may support each other and work together void of our genders being identified as just a person with thoughts, opinions and great ideas.
If you have a differing opinion feel free to leave it below in a respectable fashion of coarse, if you have any other ideas on how we can approach this problem also leave them below I love new ideas.
-From my bed to your screen
Keep creating yourselves