WTF is FWB

 

save-the-date

 

Friends with Benefits (FWB) is a common label given to friends who also sleep together, or two people sleeping together that don’t want to commit. Sounds great right? well as movies like Friends with benefits (Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake) and No Strings attached (Ashton Kutcher and Natalie Portman) can tell you its just not that simple (both movies are on Netflix).

You have to balance that fine line between friends and couple, you sleep together and you hang out and have fun together. My girl friend and I were having a conversation about this recently and we decided that there are two main reasons shit goes sour (this is from a girls perspective and for girls sorry guys).

  1. Girls over think and Over analyse everything even the small shit, and really it doesn’t get us anywhere
  2. We have different Ideas and expectations from things E.G. cuddling is fine after sex I don’t see a problem with it but cuddling holding hands and falling asleep on each other chests or in each others arms for me is crossing that little friendship line, where as for a guy there just being nice and hopefully trying not to root and boot you.

Now of coarse this isn’t all girls or guys, however the majority of girls I have spoken to feel that they fall faster than the guys and get attached quicker. We analysed (over thought) the reasons we get attached to the guys around us

They kiss or cuddle you, you have a level of comfort

They say shit that we think is cute and sweet

Now this one is difficult, they whisper cute, dirty or romantic shit while your sleeping together, now i know this shit can be beneficial during sex but it is also fucking confusing.

In saying all this we developed a list of our tips that we are going to try out and see how we go;

  • Don’t put all of your spare “guy ” time into your FWB, keep your eyes open for opportunity and mr right ( I guarantee your FWB is doing the same)
  • Have clear boundaries on what you guys are, and don’t be scared to enforce them on yourself or him
  • Don’t turn down a nice guy for your FWB, because at the end of the day the guy you turned down could be the right one and you wasted it on some cringe Fuckboy.
  • Stick with your girls, they will be able to tell you when shit is getting real if they know you well enough and they can bitch slap or just pull you out of that sinking hole of feelings. Lock that shit down is my best friends phrase for when she knows things aren’t going well for me in that department.

We are going to give this list a go, if you have any FWB stories please share them in the comments or email me at kahlia.anelise@live.com.au with the subject FWB. If you have any tips please also leave those, so me and my girls can give them a go!!

if you don’t want to comment or email you can find me;

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In the mean time Keep creating yourselves

xx

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Friendship Lessons in my 20’s

I am in my 20’s now and I keep learning new things about life every day. One of the biggest things I have learnt since moving from my teens to my 20’s is about friendship.

vintage-gay-weddingsfor-your-inspiration

I am going to tell you the top 5 things I have learnt about friendship in my 20’s

  1. Not everyone wants to stick around; there are friends that will remain in your life forever, like boomerangs while there are friends that you will make and they will be great for a period of time and then they will leave (I am planning a post on what to do after a friendship break up soon).
  2. People don’t fit with your life path. Don’t feel bad if some friends just don’t fit with where you are going or how busy you’ve become, if they want to stick around they won’t go anywhere just because you have new opportunities and a busy schedule.
  3. People don’t always value what you value. This one is hard because you will meet friends and think they are the greatest people and then as you spend time with them you’ll realise they don’t have the same values as you and that can be difficult.
  4. Communication is key. We aren’t teenagers anymore, and communicating with friends is important in keeping the relationship on the same page. Don’t be afraid to talk it out with your friend if something isn’t right.
  5. Be yourself, in your 20’s you’re still figuring shit out. You are not expected to have all the answers or know everything and you shouldn’t, but you should remember that if something doesn’t feel right to you it probably isn’t right and you should listen to yourself.

These are my top 5 lessons that I have learnt in 20’s around friendship. I have made and lost a lot of friends since, beginning university and working and then some have remained from teenage years but the dynamics have changed, which is a good thing because it means that we are growing. Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there and make and lose friends this is the best time to create memories and learn from experiences.

 

Keep creating yourselves

xx

Surviving University & Anxiety

I am in my second year of University (my final year) and I am thrilled to have had the opportunity to go to university. Last year it was scary and exciting as I fumbled through classes and assignments, I also endured several panic attacks and bouts of anxiety that weren’t always obvious to those around me. I am now in my second year, which gave me the idea of sharing these strategies for surviving university with anxiety.

Oral presentations is pretty much number one on my list of anxiety provoking situations that involve university, why because everyone is looking directly at you and waiting for you to speak and not only that but you are actually being judged and graded on what you have to say which is to me one of the scariest things to do and yet I have managed to do 4 in my first year of semester and I have some coming up in this one. My tips don’t include the usual tips like picture everyone in their underwear. My first tip is to be prepared practice giving that speech to an empty room a million times or even to a mirror, this is good for being confident in what you’re saying and also for timing yourself to make sure you don’t go over, or too under (always leaving a little extra because your speech will speed up in front of people) I have found that the more I have practiced a speech and know what I need to say the less I get stressed when giving it. My second tip is picking a subject you’re actually interested in two of the presentations I have given have gone well and I was given good grades because I believed in and interested in what I was talking about, although this isn’t always possible make the subject your talking about as interesting to yourself as possible take a different angle on the subject find a small aspect of it that you can become remotely interested in and it will improve your speech and your confidence at the same time. Even though I use these tools every time I give a presentation I am still not confident up there all the time, I shake and sweat and stumble on my words but I don’t let myself get distracted by putting myself down I keep going and applaud myself for getting up there in the first place for facing what makes me anxious and it’s a good feeling.

Talking in class and answering the lecturer or tutors questions is something I find daunting even if I know the answer, because I know people will be looking and paying attention to what I say this isn’t something I really have coping strategies for but I find that if I am confident in my answer or the subject I am more obliged to speak, as well as if I have less people in my class I am more comfortable speaking or voicing my opinion. I know my fear in this situation comes from a fear of rejection or judgement.

Study and study some more, this really is the number one tip I have, I would not have gotten as far as I have if I didn’t study, finding the definitions of things I was unsure about or theories I didn’t quite understand. The Internet and books are your friend and they aren’t going to judge you or make you feel stupid, because well they don’t know who you are or why you searched them. I avoid asking questions again a fear of judgement or rejection so a lot of the time I leave it up to research and study to explain things that I don’t understand and if I didn’t do this I wouldn’t have gotten as far as I have.

Surviving with anxiety is hard it’s an every day battle with yourself and your doubts but it doesn’t mean you can’t do the things you’ve always wanted to do. University was a dream of mine for many years and I never imagined I would be smart enough or able to take the opportunity not to mention how incredibly scary the buildings were and all the other people and yet here I am pushing through all the worry in my head to get there and get it done. In saying all of this don’t stress if some days it’s just too hard I have those days too where I really just can not cope and going outside my door is too difficult and mostly ill push through that but some times it really is too much and I’ve found that, that is okay too, you need to keep your own health in check before everything else.

I hope these help someone in a similar circumstance or someone who has a friend or partner going through this to see another perspective.

Keep creating yourselves

Xx

 

Body Image RANT.

I know I’ve written about this before, however it’s an important issue.
so body image is something that I see feel and think comes up quite a lot in society and in conversations. I was recently having a conversation with someone that with out I think them even realising that what they were saying was really kind of not nice. people struggle with body image day in and day out I am generally an upbeat person about my body but even i have days where it just sucks and looking in the mirror is the last thing i want to do. I’ve noticed that recently it has become a gravitating factor in conversations and thinking, not my body image per say but other woman being objectified by specific areas of their body. I don’t think it is wrong to appreciate certain aspects of the female body but to place such as emphasis on it is kind of ridiculous.

people have personalities and stories and so much more to them than an arse,tits,legs or a belly. I don’t judge guys on how attractive they are rarely It’s more about who they are as people and the impact they have on my life. I am not one to be jealous of others bodies good or not but people out there are and they do get concerned or insecure about there own so ladies and gents worrying about it please know there is so much more to you than just your body.

I don’t really think i am going anywhere with this post that is exceptionally inspirational I just find that a lot of the time I ask myself why does this person care its not like there the next supermodel (male or female) you know? there is more to you than just what is on the outside and yet you still judge people that way its not really fair at the end of the day.

if you’re feeling down about your weight or any physical aspect of yourself remember that it is not the only part to you, your beautiful for so many other reasons and thats what counts.

keep creating yourselves

x

Double standards in sexism- On the Bed

Hey there,

So I have come to the realisation recently that a massive issue for me is the double standards in sexism. I am one of those people that aren’t for feminism or against it and I am also not for the male equivalent I am for humans and Humanism. I prefer this stance not only because feminism is a tarnished brush and ridiculed due to social perception and negative connotations but also because I don’t believe you can fight for equality with something that is gender specific.

Feminism had its place in bringing about the beginning of equality to establish women in the world as individual and capable beings in areas they were thought not to enter. In this day and age however instead of people closing the gap between sexism it can be looked at as taking a swing in the opposite direction and the “uplifting” oppression of men (do not get me wrong I am not saying this is entirely feminist fault).

Gender equality is an issue that is hard to fight or have a stance on because no matter what you do you’re wrong, or being misogynistic or misandrist it is an issue that needs to be addressed in equal terms treating each as individuals void of gender.

From a young age we develop these ideas about how men and women behave, what qualities make us different and what toys we should be playing with all of which attribute to our opinions and acceptance of activities of men and women when we are adults.

Have a think if there has been a time when you’ve seen someone doing something and thought they shouldn’t because it’s not what you perceive as appropriate for that gender? Don’t worry it doesn’t make you sexist its just the natural response based on our social learning.

We see these standards on television in advertising all over social media and even in our homes. So what can we do about it? Well in my opinion the HeforShe campaign was a great idea and also not having two separate teams, become one change the face of feminism and NOMAS (national organisation for men against sexism) and just have humanism the equal rights for all human beings? I think that could make a huge difference, creating a united front and inspiring people to unite with you instead of separating themselves from causes we should all be involved in. A great idea if anyone should think to really fire it up is a campaign enlightening the idea of humans all for one and one for all so we may support each other and work together void of our genders being identified as just a person with thoughts, opinions and great ideas.

If you have a differing opinion feel free to leave it below in a respectable fashion of coarse, if you have any other ideas on how we can approach this problem also leave them below I love new ideas.

-From my bed to your screen

Keep creating yourselves

Xx

Hello again 17

It’s a bright stinking hot saturday and I figured hey why not
lay under the fan and chat to the computer…

Yesterday I caught up with a friend that I have known since I was about 16,
our friendship was a whirlwind from meeting to instantly becoming best friends
we were almost inseparable, when we met I was on the coast just visiting
and ended up spending a whole week of my two week holiday with her,
and then making a life changing decision not long after that to move back to the coast.

fast forward through our friendship and at 17 I moved in with her and my boyfriend at the time,
to an apartment in surfers paradise not knowing that it would be something that literally changed me.

living together was a blast we were all loving it, then my boyfriend at the time and I split up,
yet he continued to live with us (that didn’t end so well) and so things were interesting to say the least,

then some of our mates moved in so there was five of us in the one apartment, it got loud and fun a little blurry at times,
but hey 17 year olds living together what else could you expect,
although these people were friends at the time or people I haven’t spoken too since, I realised when talking to my friend
that they will always be the people that changed my perspective on several things.

1. relationships and committment

2. Family in the essence you can make your own

3. a hangover

4. a seriously good cup of coffee changes everything

5. who you are at 17 won’t be who you are in 4 years time, but parts of you will be the same

one of the friends I lived with was well and truly wise beyond his years
and things happen now with my job or my education that really throw me back to that time
or to things that he said that really impacted how I view certain aspects of the world,

I have to thank all the experiences and adventures I had for all the awesome lessons I have learnt and will continue to learn forever.

family

remember,

keep creating yourselves.

xx

On the bed-Cross roads

Have you ever reached a point in your life or in a portion of your life that you just don’t know what to do anymore, where you’re going? You had everything all mapped out and then out of nowhere that’s not the road you want to go down, that is how I am feeling right now.

 

Last year I had this plan and I had everything mapped out the way it was going to go and how I was going to get there and in the last two weeks I have found myself hating parts of that plan cutting them left right and centre, my heart just isn’t in it all the things that we’re working before aren’t working now. I don’t really understand this position because I don’t even exactly know what I want at the moment I just seem to know what I don’t want, which isn’t really being helpful.

 

I am not an overly negative person I like to live off vibes and feelings around me but lately I have been feeling different kinds of vibes, I have started different things in my life and I can feel little parts of me changing and developing as I am faced with different situations and yet I feel like some of the people around me aren’t growing or changing with me, or that they aren’t changing at all may actually be the underlying problem.

 

Everything is really new for me at the moment, exciting and demanding with university and the qualification I am trying to get things are tightly stretched and any time I can have to myself to do things I like is a gift which Is rare at the moment, back to the issue, I really am confused about how I am feeling right now because I keep changing my mind on the end result of what specific area I would like to go into, what foods I really don’t like, how I feel about the colour blue and what style I am going for, all of these things seem trivial I know but its right down to the classes my mind is changing every couple of minutes to new things I want to try and then reasons I can’t do those things and even in the relationships I have with people, these things are rushing through my head and changing rapidly and it feels like all that planning and mapping was really just a waste of time because I am back in wavy unknown waters were I am paddling to find a place where I can stand catch my breath and then paddle some more until I find that right wave to ride home and finish the day.

 

So now that I have rambled about being completely lost in the sea of my thousand mile an hour thoughts, you guys should let me know how you cope when your feeling a little stressed/confused or lost in life?

 

From my bed to your screen- until next time

Keep creating yourselves

xx

New Beginings

Hey guys,

I had my first lecture and first day of uni yesterday which to me was totally exciting but super nerve racking at the same time. It took me 20 minutes to find the building my lecture was in and then about 30 mins to find my lecture, if it wasn’t for a nice girl in the same lecture I don’t think I ever would have found it.

The lecture itself was basically what I thought it would be and I did learn some cool new things, one of which is I seem to be the only person who uses the word premise in my everyday vocabulary.. The man running the lecture was pretty cool which made the experience even more exciting. My class was only one hour and it was the only class I had yesterday so it was a good way to start.

I will only have one class again today which is my first psych class so I am really excited for that one. I am already working on an essay for my core class and after today will be working on a presentation as well I like the feel of getting straight into things and learning as much as I can.

It may take me a week or two to get my bearings and a schedule going and that may mean some absence from the blog but do not stress I could not forget about my little place on the web, I will be sharing more about my adventure with Uni and hopefully using my social media and blog to assist with learning things about people everywhere.

I will be uploading some photos of everything soon and a post of the stationary I am using and the way I set up my space are on the horizon. Thank you all for sticking by me even in my absence I truly appreciate it.

Keep creating yourselves

xx

Happy New Year

Hey everyone, Happy 2015 the beginning of a new year.
It will be a big year for me filled with exciting opportunities, travelling to places I have not been and the begging of a new chapter of my life. I am looking forward to a new year and new possibilities I started my new year off with a bad case of tonsilitus which has been absolutly crappy I have barely been able to move my ass out of bed, I am lucky in that I have my boyfriend here who has tirelessly taken care of me.

I know the new year always brings resolutions things we want to achieve in the year ahead, have any of you made some? i would love to hear what they are. I like new years resolutions I think they can be a bit of fun or a real goal to set for the year. I am resolving this year to spread good positive vibes and bring my life happiness and harmony.

Looking back on 2014 it wasn’t exactly a harmonious time for me with study and education as well as with friends and even some family members which is saddening but in the new year is no longer my worry because up and on to a more harmonious life.
My biggest achievement of 2014 was getting my Diploma in community services that was something I have been working towards and was really excited to finish and to have fully completed with good passing grades and all.

Best Memory of 2014 was going to Sydney somewhere I had never been before and enjoying it fully, just soaking up everything the city had to offer, I could not have picked a better destination. Meeting one new friend (new to me) who is defiantly someone that has made an impact on my life, my second best memory is having that friend here before christmas and enjoying a lively night.

I am most looking forward to having one my best friends move a little closer for her studies so I can go on lots of adventures with her again 🙂

I want to get my license in the beginning of 2015 so that I can drive myself around 🙂 I am also looking at starting a fully independent life and moving into my own place at some point this year!

all the possibilities of these new adventures are exciting even when you’re deathly ill for the first week, as I start each of my new adventures I am going to enjoy documenting them on this blog, so you can expect some fun posts about uni life, harmony and good will, travel and as many adventures as possible.

let me know your favourite parts of 2014 and what your working towards in the new year in the comments ?

keep creating yourselves ❤

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Things I learnt being a kid

I have just entered the “official” age of adulthood, cool right? well yes I am happy that I am now taken seriously as an adult on the issue of age however there are things from my childhood that I am reluctant to let go of on the basis I think they will help me continue to grow and mature without becoming condescending and “old”.

I never want to stop learning new things until the day I die because learning something new is fun an exciting however just as visiting something done before is comforting and reassuring in times of stress. I still watch cartoons I loved as a child and I still watch cartoons full stop, some I find I could not watch on a consistent basis whilst others I think I could watch more re runs of that friends these shows from so long ago are still reminding me as an adult of lessons I can apply in my everyday life, to treat people the way I want to be treated and to dream big and achieve bigger that every person has their worth and their path, children’s television if you can stand to watch it holds great hidden  messages.

to have fun I can not count on one hand the amounts of times I have been stuck in shitty weather or plans haven’t quite worked the way we wanted them too and yet we still had fun, we got over the fact that things didn’t go to plan and we found something else to do if you are with people you love and enjoy being with anything will be fun. this kind of translates into rolling with it.

I strongly believe in not dwelling on past things or regretting decisions or choices you’ve made because either way if it worked or not you got something out of it in the end;

personal story time; When I was 17 i moved out of home with a friend and my boyfriend who I had met online, it was going to be amazing no more nagging mother no more fights, I got to be an adult and I hadn’t even finished school, living off social security we managed to secure an apartment and bam we all moved in together I think the relationship lasted 2 months if that and by my 18th birthday I realised  when he walked out on me to run after my friend as he always had done that he wanted her and that was the only reason he stuck around, it was really kind of humiliating what he did especially at a time when your hitting a milestone. I took my family to the apartment and I took all my stuff moved out, rang him and yelled and then never spoke to him again. at 18 years old on my birthday I was shattered hurt and crying to my family because I had reached 18 and not done anything id wanted to achieve and I wasn’t going anywhere. 

the fact that I had reached that point in my life and felt completely wasted was a massive wake up call for me it took some asshole to show me that I had been to busy boozing it up and pretending everything was good instead of achieving the things id always wanted to and because of that shmuck I am the girl I am today that is achieving or striving too achieve the things I didn’t get too, I learnt a painful lesson about boys (not men) BOYS and about friendship as well though that story is for a different time. I take these experiences and I let them build my personality of coarse right after something painful like rejection or humiliation you are not going to see the lesson or the bright side or any positive outcome but whilst your undergoing your sadness and stages of coping your mind and personality are forming around those experiences and then years later when you are a supposed adult you will see the lesson and maybe even the funny side of the situation.

being a child or being childlike does not make you childish, and for those of you that have had similar situations that asshole was one of only the many you shall encounter growing up, they are all lessons and experiences and they will continue being that weather they come in gender specific roles, family members, government bodies or teachers that asshole is in your path to help you and you can chose how they do it.

I love remembering my childhood an sometimes its fun not to grow up, you can always use your childhood and memories to help you carve out your place in the present and future.

for now and hopefully always I am going to enjoy some childlike fun and wonders (aquarium)

Peace out xx