WTF is FWB

 

save-the-date

 

Friends with Benefits (FWB) is a common label given to friends who also sleep together, or two people sleeping together that don’t want to commit. Sounds great right? well as movies like Friends with benefits (Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake) and No Strings attached (Ashton Kutcher and Natalie Portman) can tell you its just not that simple (both movies are on Netflix).

You have to balance that fine line between friends and couple, you sleep together and you hang out and have fun together. My girl friend and I were having a conversation about this recently and we decided that there are two main reasons shit goes sour (this is from a girls perspective and for girls sorry guys).

  1. Girls over think and Over analyse everything even the small shit, and really it doesn’t get us anywhere
  2. We have different Ideas and expectations from things E.G. cuddling is fine after sex I don’t see a problem with it but cuddling holding hands and falling asleep on each other chests or in each others arms for me is crossing that little friendship line, where as for a guy there just being nice and hopefully trying not to root and boot you.

Now of coarse this isn’t all girls or guys, however the majority of girls I have spoken to feel that they fall faster than the guys and get attached quicker. We analysed (over thought) the reasons we get attached to the guys around us

They kiss or cuddle you, you have a level of comfort

They say shit that we think is cute and sweet

Now this one is difficult, they whisper cute, dirty or romantic shit while your sleeping together, now i know this shit can be beneficial during sex but it is also fucking confusing.

In saying all this we developed a list of our tips that we are going to try out and see how we go;

  • Don’t put all of your spare “guy ” time into your FWB, keep your eyes open for opportunity and mr right ( I guarantee your FWB is doing the same)
  • Have clear boundaries on what you guys are, and don’t be scared to enforce them on yourself or him
  • Don’t turn down a nice guy for your FWB, because at the end of the day the guy you turned down could be the right one and you wasted it on some cringe Fuckboy.
  • Stick with your girls, they will be able to tell you when shit is getting real if they know you well enough and they can bitch slap or just pull you out of that sinking hole of feelings. Lock that shit down is my best friends phrase for when she knows things aren’t going well for me in that department.

We are going to give this list a go, if you have any FWB stories please share them in the comments or email me at kahlia.anelise@live.com.au with the subject FWB. If you have any tips please also leave those, so me and my girls can give them a go!!

if you don’t want to comment or email you can find me;

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In the mean time Keep creating yourselves

xx

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A Related Post 

Dating Game| Change

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Hey Guys,

I thought jumping back in with a dating game post was a good way to go, this idea just hit me and that is my favourite way to write when ideas just pop into my head. I have a few little relationships things I want to talk about today, so strap in.

Today I wanted to talk about changing whether its for a boyfriend, a crush, a friend, your girlfriend or any partnership.
Physical aspects such as your weight or height or any aspect of you physically shouldn’t be impacted by a partner, as humans we have enough insecurities about our bodies with out the people we love and admire adding there critique.
this is a massive NO NO for me in relationships any of them even if its my best girlfriend because I have parts of my body I don’t like and the last thing I want is someone else to add to that. all the advice out there says to keep a positive perspective of yourself but that’s easier said that done right? well keeping people around you that have a positive perspective of you is a good starting point.

I have a best girlfriend she has an amazing body in my eyes, she is tall and gorgeous even though she’s just had a baby I think she still looks as fine as before. I am sure any one whose been through that experience has/had there own insecurities and so did she, but that isn’t the focus as her friend I am here to tell her how amazing she is. This girl does the exact same thing for me, I have insecurities about different parts of my body and she is there every time I notice to say but hey you have these amazing qualities about your self too and this makes you beautiful.
having positive friendships that build you up is #1 on my list.

sometimes our greatest critics are our families, I am sure a tonne of you out there have felt that your family are being over critical or there comments have made you feel like shit, It sucks especially cause there family and there supposed to support you, In this instance what I do is remind myself although its hurtful that its not their intention, majority of the time they want what is best and think that telling you is just what you need. [F.Y.I family members its not helpful] if you have a specific family member who is causing you some extra stress talk to them about it.
I had an uncle who used to pick on my weight he had the best intentions but conversations always left me feeling like I would never be successful or appealing to the opposite sex if I didn’t loose weight. I am still struggling daily to change that perspective and thanks to the positivity around me its working 🙂

Partners are like family your intimate with them you have to bear your insecurities to them and if I have learnt anything about dating it is that it can be the biggest ego boost or the worst hit your self esteem will take. It just has that power. When you get a partner they shouldn’t put down your physical or personality features and if they do think something is up then I would suggest to discuss it in a non critical manner. Since being with my boyfriend certain things have definitely changed, my own motivation and determination has changed but not once has he made me feel bad about my body.

about three weeks ago I was determined I was going to loose weight to be more appealing more successful (I fell in the rabbit hole) and I told him he had to train me make me work out everyday and diet me, he told me we would talk about it when I got here I’ve been here for two weeks and not once has he dieted me or told me I can not have any food I want, he hasn’t dragged me kicking and screaming to the gym and he has made me walk as much as possible over taking the bus, I myself have chosen to do small exercise sessions while he has been at appointments and he always tells me how beautiful intelligent and amazing I am in all the aspects of my life.
I have since climbed out of the rabbit hole and have been reminded of how I can and should be comfortable with me!! (bonus I’ve lost 2kgs and didn’t have a terrible time doing it)

sometimes change is what we want in ourselves, when we don’t like something we want to change it and that is okay no one should be telling you its not okay to do what makes you feel good, just as long as your doing it safely and are aware then who cares. Keeping a positive perspective is just as important as keeping positive people. Don’t compare yourself to other people because you are not them you are the talented unique and special individual YOU.

keep creating yourselves xo

[image sourced from Google]

Previously in Dating Games 

Dating Game| Relationship Etiquette

Hey guys,

I am here with yet another dating game post, I enjoy writing things about relationships I always find its the topics my mind has the most fun with. This time I am back to write about farting in front of your significant other why you may ask, well you see I and I am sure many other girls have been told how rude it is to fart in front of or around other people. Does anyone remember these typical lines? “Girls and Ladies do not let off wind” “it is rude to let off gasses” “never do that in front of a man” right so these were repeated to me constantly as a young girl which got really annoying and now that I am in a long and steady relationship I thought I would pose the question of passing gas in front of a significant other.

This subject is probably up for debate so lets hear my side. Passing gasses is natural it is human and aliens probably do it as well, so it is going to happen at some point in your relationship probably while your fast asleep you are going to let one rip and your other half is going to hear or smell it, when you are defenceless and unable to consciously know you are doing it how do you manage to be lady like? or discreet? you can’t and it won’t be I can assure you that much.

Now if your asleep is it forgivable to let one loose in front your partner? I think so I mean I have no foresight it’s going to happen and honestly I couldn’t control it if I tried I mean I am in a land where these problems don’t matter, in all honesty I am probably solving all humanities problems. If you are awake and well aware you need to let one rip and you just can not be bothered and you let loose on your ass you better expect some kind of reaction from whoever you are with be it your significant other, best friend or your family, it is just something we don’t classify as the “norm” or at least I don’t.

So at what point does it not become taboo in a relationship to be a natural human being ? well that depends on the guy your kind of relationship and I would highly recommend not doing it on the first or second date. Everyones relationships are so different and unique except those clique couples you see all the time, that it is hard to give you an exact time that it’s okay. I mean I would say if you are comfortable and your explanation is reasonable you can let it slide.

I will never forget the first time my ass exploded, it was completely by accident my partner and I were mucking around and I had consumed a number of dairy type products and it just slipped out ( i am lactose intolerant) I have this reaction if I eat or drink too much dairy but of coarse I had not conciously thought of this on our day out and thus this was the result. At the time it happened I can say I was fairly embarrassed but my boyfriend being who he is laughed his ass off and it is now a running joke that we can laugh about for years to come, We had been dating for close to if not longer than a year and I am sure I assaulted him in my sleep at some point before this but the story just doesn’t get old and the outcome was well hilarious.

relationships should be unique based on the two people in them, anything that is meant too happen or not meant to will be defined by the two of you and how you view each other and what you specifically love about them. You will work out this twisted game I assure you of that. If I can do it anyone can.

Peace out

Find more dating games here:

Relationship Advice 

Rules for Dating

Personal Time 

Instagram: KANNELISE 

Twiiter: @kahliaanelise

Personal Time | Dating Game

Dear Blog,

Lately I have been getting 101 questions about my personal life and my partner, I am a generally honest and open person I think secrets only keep you stuck and if you have something to hide its more likely that someone can use that to there advantage.

In saying that I don’t repeat stories I have been told in confidence unless I embellish the story to a point people couldn’t relate it to someone, even then I generally don’t use stories or “secrets” that friends have told me, simply because that is not me hiding something but it also is not my place to say anything.

back to the point. I have been getting numerous questions from family and friends and people I barely communicate with about my current relationship and its status and really personal private questions and just to clarify I don’t mean personal like how often do you bang?.. I mean questions like, do you really feel like your number one because his kids come first.. you do know if you’re with someone who doesn’t have kids it would be a whole different experience or is he ever going to move for you..

I guess I should explain my relationship a little better, you may have seen in my previous dating game posts that I have answered questions on long distance relationships, a lot of those answers come from my experience with said relationships and the fact that I am currently in one. I live in Queensland Australia and he lives In Western Australia we are on totally opposite sides of the country, let me guess your thinking we met through the internet one of those unsafe cyber relationships ? sorry to disappoint we met through an at the time mutual friend who introduced us and my partner had just split from someone else when we met, he was going through a rough time and I have always loved being there and helping people out so for a while we were friends and we became pretty close, now our friends noticed this before we did but to keep it short we ended up dating. Heres the catch he has children that live in WA (western australia) and I am currently in the middle of pursuing my studies and career in social science and human behaviour so it becomes complicated with us not being in the same state.
I will admit it can be really hard at times to not have him there when I need him at the snap of my fingers but I also find that I appreciate the time we are together a lot more because of that.
We have been together for coming up two years..ages right? and people are now starting to say its serious and we should think about our futures together and blah blah blah and as I said before it seems to be encouraging a hell of a lot of personal questions.

I am writing this post/diary entry because I am kind of sick of it and have said so to the nosy people in my life however I want to chat about it incase any one else is going through anything similar. People will always be nosy and they won’t always approve of your choice in partner or path that you are taking, not a lot of people support or understand my relationship or how I manage to do it and I do try to explain it to people and it really does become a big confused mess to them. So I am going to decode my relationship and the FAQ’s regarding it, if your in a similar situation leave me a comment and we can chat and even if your not chat to me about your life too 🙂

1. do you feel like number one even though he has kids?

unless he begins to date his kids, the relationship is very different.

2. how do you cope not knowing what he is doing?

if you don’t trust your man and you are in the same state long distance will fail, if you have insecurities about cheating or trust issues (which is fine) long distance isn’t for you. I cope because I trust him and I feel 100% secure in our relationship.

3. why don’t you date a guy in your state?

well they are mostly douche bags and the ones that aren’t are either my best mate or dating other lovely women.. mainly douche bags though.

4. is he going to move here?

yes but not just because I am here, because for the career he has chosen this state has better facilities and also the life style is more fast paced that WA. it’s not all about me people.

5. how do you cope being a step parent.

I am not one those kids have both parents willing and able to look after them, I am not directly involved in their upbringing, nor is it really my business to suggest how parents should raise there children.

if you have any more questions by all means leave them in the comments I would be happy to answer any curiosity you have, I am aware my relationship is rare and different so I am fine when people want to understand it. I am not fine with people trying to tell me that it isn’t okay or it isn’t a real relationship or even that I don’t come first or put myself first because of the situation.

I love my partner we are happy and appreciative to have each other in our lives, we will one day do that from the same state and the same house I am sure of it and I am sure I will be letting everyone know but for now this works for us and our circumstances and that is why the universe entrusted us with each other.

always be grateful for the good people you have and forget the not so great ones, be yourself and do mostly the things that make you happy ( we all have to do downer things like dishes) if you do what makes everyone else happy you will only end up miserable.

life isn’t about finding yourself
its about creating yourself.

peace out

xx

I will be back with blogmas #2 tomorrow, its all about twinkly lights 😛 if you missed it here is BLOGMAS #1

to keep up to date on all things Kannelise go Here  There  Everywhere

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Dating Game; Rules for Dating

 

 

 

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Hey Guys, 

Lets play a fun little game called dating, except there are like 50,000 rules on how to do it and you never and I mean never know if your playing it right and sometimes you wont even know when you’ve fallen down the board..for some dating is a world of fun whirlwind romance, sex and cute dates but for others it can be a never wrecking mind blowing I fuck it up every time kind of experience, for everyone it entails rejection at least once.

Dating Rules Online;

we live in a digital era where almost anything can be found online and that doesn’t exclude dating rules, so I thought I would suss out some websites approaches to these “rules” 

  • It is okay to Facebook friend your date
  • It takes 15 minutes to know if you have chemistry 
  • No sex on the first date
  • Keep your relationship off social media 
  • Don’t let your crazy out 

so these were just a few of the vast amounts of rules regarding this topic that I found and kind of immediately had a little mental note in my head about because in all reality there a rules to everything but rules are made to be broken right ? 

Facebook Friending Dates 

I don’t think this is wrong I mean its completely up to the individuals if you want to facebook friend him or her, I wouldn’t personally always friend someone I went on a date with or what not only because I don’t really think after one or two dates I need to delve into their online profile, however if you have met this person online it is a way to talk and get to know them before taking any other steps, always remember to be safe when online with dating and with anything!! I think this is ridiculous to be made into a rule because who the fudge gives a shit, if you feel comfortable and want to add them do so you may actually end up finding a really cool friend or something more intimate with the person. 

15 minutes to suss out your chemistry 

I am not going to throw this out the window as it was apparently a psychological study in regards to human interactions, however I do not think that makes it a dating rule I have had 15 minute lunches with people thinking they are the shit only to find out a couple months later they have an ego larger than Google’s.. so I don’t think even if it says psychological study shows or scientifically proven that it immediately applies to you, these are large fields that are still only a fraction of really understanding human behavior so don’t take it as gospel. 

No sex on the first date 

again its psychologically proven this is bullshit however I have to be all OLD and say I really kind of agree with this depending on the circumstances of the relationship, again each person is going to know when it is right, but I have seen so many friends come back to me devastated because a guy didn’t call back after they gave up the goods on the first date, my only advice is be you and make sure its comfortable for you. there is no wrong or right with this one just experience.

Keep your relationship off social media

Facebook has a relationship status for a reason if you are taken the go on and put it up there, what I think more specifically this means is if you don’t air your dirty laundry at the local supermarket, work functions or to the public then don’t air it on social media. I am a massive supporter of this not just for this purpose but in general yes I love knowing what people are up to that this person is having a baby and this on is in France but I don’t want to know that Jack and Jill are having a fight because some chick answered Jacks phone at work only to find out it was his PA…. Be sensible with what you post online because generally you can’t take it back and honestly some things are better  kept private. 

Don’t let your crazy out 

So if I was still dating I would be screwed.. I run a blog that voices my opinions freely to anyone that will listen I am working with some cool people to get my YouTube channel up and running which will be very similar, I also work in a community Hub where a lot of the time my boss is dealing with media and press and they want her opinion and life story, I am studying psychology and criminology because I want to understand what makes humans do fucked up shit… my crazy came out and broadcast itself a LONG time ago. Moral of all that is be yourself because people will love you for it somewhere and at some point in time and yes it is  soo much easier said than done but hey give it a try I bet you will love it 😛 

I honestly think that when it comes to dating you should just be yourself and see what your comfortable with in the end it will be about you anyway so don’t get caught up in the GAME and just remember to have a little fun.

Love On & Peace out 

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Relationship Advice.

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I see a lot of questions and social media posts going around about perfect relationships and how they are attainable, I am by no means a relationship Councillor however I have been in a long distance relationship for over a year and a half now and I have also kept previous relationships for generally over the 12 month mark anything in between to me was either not worth calling a relationship or simply an experience that has helped me gather my knowledge.

I picked questions that I found interesting and thought you would find interesting; if you have differing opinions or other helpful hints then strike up a discussion in the comments.

Why do people cheat?

almost every person has cheated at some point in there life and if you haven’t then you most likely will, and if you never do or never have you sir and madam are one heck of a good person. People generally cheat when they are unsatisfied or unfulfilled in their current situation ( Take note I said SITUATION not relationship) this means that something in their life is not working out for them or they are feeling unsatisfied with it, That does not mean you should feel the need to over compensate or change yourself especially since it may not be you that is the problem, you should always be yourself and if a person cheats then really just pick yourself up and walk on because seriously they need to work on other areas of their life before they are ready to accommodate someone as amazing as you! 

they could also have commitment issues in which case I send you straight back to my last statement.

Who is to blame when you fight?

Okay so from my experience No one, I don’t think you are going to get very far blaming each other, people tend to disagree because we are different and we believe and enjoy different things.. so we will at some point in every relationship not see things the same way, in this situation best bet is to figure out what works for you; My partner and I disagree on things at least once a month we will have a debate about something and I mean it could just be who should play anniken in the new star wars, yes we do disagree on shit like that constantly however I know that in like ten minutes he is going to be over it and he knows that if he says something that really upsets me that a simple sorry and are you okay? will make it better. 

now if we get into an actual fight or argument which I think we have maybe once in that circumstance we just yelled at each other and both spoke our piece until we were over it and on the same page again. 

My advice would be to find what problem solving works for you and always be able to talk about things that are bothering you.

If one half of a relationship seems to be consistently starting fights for the point of fighting I refer you to the end of question 1.. pick up your awesome ass and move along, you will be more awesome and a lot happier for it.

Why do relationships fail 

relationships can fail for many of reasons things such as timing, age, experience and just simply because that was not your path in life, It sucks when things don’t work out and it doesn’t matter which side of it your own dumper or dumpee either side is hard and it hurts either way unless you are heartless and soul-less in which case carry on and find someone just like you.

I think ultimately when relationships fail it is because something better is getting ready to come in like a wrecking ball on your life so enjoy the quiet before miley comes flying through your bedroom wall.. always remember though you are the bomb and your only going to get more awesome and more lovable as you get older and someone is going to appreciate that you can recite every word from frozen.

Can long distance relationships work? 

Yes and again yes. 

People seem to think that physically being with someone is like the be all and end all well just because I feel like using Ironic examples if two people can wait till after marriage to be physically intimate two people who love and adore each other can manage a time span away from each other. However if you are going into a long distance relationship keep in mind it is most definitely not easy street you have to have a few things in place before you take this separate adventure things like trust are super important if you don’t trust the person you are dating and they are miles away I think there is a problem, or at least there will be you will drive yourself nuts with worry about what they are doing and it totally is not worth having mental breakdowns over if you are that person again take your awesomeness and find someone closer to home. 

If you can pass the trust step awesome but there is another LOYALTY this is important because that person needs to be able to trust you and no relationship distance or not is going to work if you are not a loyal son or daughter of a byatch. 

If you can trust and be loyal then you pass, go ahead with it but be strong and prepared remember to speak to them often and keep communication lines open and if you are dieing to see each other organize a meet up even for a short time it will totally help.

remember it is not forever, you are working towards a goal or a time when you can be together when you have your doubts focus on that.

 Isn’t jealousy a way to know they care ? 

answer these few questions for yourself and you’ll have your answer 

does there “jealousy” stop you from being you?
does it borderline on controlling? 
are you worried about what they will think 24/7?

if you answered yes to any of these questions then I would say No it is not a way to show they care about you it is a serious issue that will send there and your hair  grey prematurely… drive to the next window..

How do you manage the moving in conversation and when ? 

when is up to you as each persons relationships differ, you could move in together after six or twelve months or after three though I don’t recommend moving in after three months. 

*personal time* 

I had a boyfriend live with me once we hadn’t been together very long and so our relationship failed after living together for what was i think about 4 months, he cheated which was wonderful and of coarse I was too much of a nice person to leave him on the streets so I let him live with my friend and I regardless he is the one ex that I would still king hit if I ever see the bastard in the street. I put this down to the fact I was young and stupid and we went way to quickly into something that no one was ready for. 

so when looking at the whole time to move in thing though I don’t want to set any limits just make sure you are both 100% on it and comfortable. 

now to the actual conversation I think if you are ready to move in together you should be comfortable talking about it and just keep an open mind about whether they may find that a scary next step, they do say all your flaws show when you live with someone, so don’t be offended if they just aren’t ready. I would also suggest not taking on a full on so we are going to live in this house.. and have this couch and this and that kind of approach as it may put some people off just saying, but if that is how your shit rolls then you go with it.

why don’t “fuck buddies” work ?

I love this question!! I mean we see all the movies (friends with benefits) and countless numbers of magazines and shit talking about this and you always wonder why it doesn’t work and if that’s not what you’re thinking then I am assuming you are saying to yourself hell no that ain’t me I can pull that off look at me and all my one night stands. 

I am the kind of person that is intrigued by the fact that it doesn’t work, I put it down to the fact that humans have hearts and souls and those annoying things called emotions.. if you are a creature that has none of these then please exit left and go back to Azkaban… 

if you are a normal human or wizard then you will understand that you have emotions as annoying as that is that in my opinion is what creates the conundrum of fuck buddie failure it is just natural that being in such close proximity of another person you will inevitably be attracted to them especially since in the first place when you start the agreement you are already attracted to them.. 

How do you keep dates interesting ?

I included this question because I am going to give you a link to the most beautiful blog out there.. LC 

Now I see my partner at least once a month for about 1-2 weeks which is heaps of time for us to spend together, some of that time we go shopping our out for cupcakes and meals if you follow my instagram you will find all the gorgeous cupcakes we find.. YUMM!! but we also spend time at home doing 1v1 on COD (call of duty) or shooting up clubs and shit on saints row and GTA which we both love doing or reading, or watching our fave shows together for us as long as we are in each others company it doesn’t really matter what we are doing.. 

if ya want some more info on dates I think are cool I may make it it’s own post.

Okay so that is all the questions I think I can manage tonight, I am going to go and probs watch some star wars or my little pony and drink hot chocolate because its like 5 degrees and I am freezing.

if you have any cool tips or even stories to add strike up a convo in my comments I’ll be sure to reply 

Peace out 

xx 

Kannelise 

x

Disclaimer 

I did not take the feature image incase people freak its from pintrest.